When we hear the term "online dating", a great diversity of reactions can erupt from person to person. In the case of someone who is unfamiliar with the world of online dating, this reaction is usually one of skepticism. I feel for you - I really do. After all, isn't online dating just a venue for people who don't have it together enough to meet someone in real life? To me, it sounds like a place for the socially inept to mingle.
Well, you're wrong. Online dating is not a last resort for people who can't seem to make any rapport in their day to day lives. It would be a hard argument to say that we're not living in a new digital age. Look at all the social networking sites out there - Facebook, MySpace and a plethora of others. Dating online is as simple as this. That is, it is a tool to use that puts people of similar interest in the same room. And what interest would that be? Well...dating, of course!
Consider it a Replacement to Your Approach
When going on a date with someone, online or not, one critical part of securing a relationship is the approach. The approach is that moment you thank that special someone for saving your dog from running away and move in for a phone number. The use of online dating services let us skip over the initial conversation piece.
The Profile
We skip over the "offline" approach by creating a profile of ourselves for others to view. Profiles are the crutch of every online dating service available. Consider the profile a "dating resume" of sorts. That is, it is a document which you construct to best explain what you are like. Admittedly, this can cut out virtually all of the intimacy that an offline approach can offer. However, it gives a window into more of what I like to call "the second impression." The second impression is a term I use to describe the moments after (you guessed it) the first impression is made. The first impression between two people consists almost entirely of body language. Basically, it plays on one's most animal instincts and sex drives. The second impression is geared towards who you are as a person. This is the goal of an online profile. That is, to let someone make a decision of compatibility based on your personal traits and not on your ability to establish instant rapport.
Messaging
The other key component is the ability to then message someone who peaks your interest. On the other hand, you can receive messages from people who feel interest in learning more about you. This is the real conversation piece - the process that bridges the gap between your profile and setting up a real date. You and your interest may go back and forth several times learning more about each other until you've exhausted the capabilities of messaging. At this point, you should be setting up a date.
Online Dating is a Process - Not an Entity
One thing about online dating that is important to understand is that it is not an entity, but a process. A process is a series of events that flow from an input (viewing a profile) to a final output (meeting someone for a date). This is the exact same as any situation (in the real world or through the internet) in which your ultimate goal is to learn more about someone and see if you are compatible. The process consists of several stages:
- Viewing a profile
- Establishing initial compatibility
- Contact (through messaging)
- Further investigation (conversation)
- Setting up a date
- Preparation for a date (the time in-between)
- The first date
- The aftermath
Of course, the above process is not all inclusive. However, it does contain the general stages. It is important to remember that true success comes from being in every part of this process at all times. That is, you should be reaching out to other people and never keep one particular interest as your sole focus! In simpler terms: don't put all your eggs in one basket. Keep viewing profiles while preparing for that date you have next Tuesday. Being present in all phases of the online dating process is critical to your inevitable chances of success.
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